graylit:

graylit:

image

𝚙𝚕𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚢 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚕 & 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 : 𝚙𝚜𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊, 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍 𝚊𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚎/𝚊𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝/𝚗𝚎𝚐𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝, 𝚊𝚗𝚡𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢, 𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚜, 𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚎𝚌𝚝.    NOT  FOR  REBLOG !!!! ( unless you’re aloy )

REY  IS  NOT  OKAY, lets kick this clusterfuck of emotional content off with that! She is a ball of anxiety, depression, and low self esteem all wrapped up in spiky armor. She’s basically a lil hedgehog curled up in a ball protecting her soft tummy, which is how she’s lived most of her life until the events of TFA. This doesn’t make her WEAK in any way shape or form. In fact, it’s the pillar of strength that keeps her pressing onward. She is vulnerable and tender underneath the spikes she built to survive a world where softness doesn’t survive or exist.

We’re gonna start with the obvious here  ABANDONMENT  and work our way up down this painful laundry list. Now, many adopted children that are in loving and wonderful homes are still liable to feelings of abandonment or low self-esteem (  this varies from person to people ofc. the adoptees I have known over the years are an even split down the middle  )  ‘why wouldn’t my parents want me? am I not good enough? did I do something wrong? ect’ These are children placed in healthy environments with people that love and want them and those dreadful creeping feelings still exist. Now imagine quite literally WATCHING your parents on a hot and dead planet with a stranger, zooming off into space never to be seen again! If you can garner such lifelong & potentially damaging feelings in a place thats wonderful, imagine knowing and remembering their departure.

That is so goddamn WOUNDING and traumatic that she has no other choice but to bury that pain. It’s a survival instinct. It’s the mind and body protecting you from something too terrible for a child her age to cope with. So she goes on autopilot and clings to the hope of SOMEDAY because she has no other choice.  Trauma like that erases memories, especially in children as young as Rey. 

ANXIETY?  Heaps of it. Constantly. About nearly everything whether she is able to express if or not. There’s a chance she’ll miss her fam if she’s away from Jakku? Panic attack. There’s a chance her AT-AT might be ransacked by thieves in her absence? Panic Attack. You’re headed off somewhere without her? Panic attack. It might be mild at the start, but years down the road now that she’s away from the child labor camp daycare it will hit her full force. Finn will say he has to go off planet, he has to go SOMEWHERE alone and he promises he’ll be back. Her stomach would give a sick and ugly jolt but he had never lied to her before so she bites her tongue and waits. She HATES herself for the relief she feels at his swift return, how weak it makes her feel against a feeling she has no control over. Anyone she has ever grown close to is subject to these feelings, this fear. With Han being murdered right before her eyes she’s utterly shattered and can’t help but expect her loved ones to disappear.

Lets talk about that good ol soul crushing  DEPRESSION !! When the excitement dies down, when you’re heart stops pounding and you’re still for some unforeseen amount of time, it sets in like a weight. When there’s nothing let to be anxious about and the stillness takes ahold. Whether she was laying awake in her AT-AT on Jakku or curled up in her bed on D’Qar / Ahch-To / The Falcon, it is so heavy it nearly crushes her. The moments she doesn’t spend every second fighting to survive are foreign and agonizing. Being surrounded by wonderful friends and adoptive family is fantastic, sure. But depression doesn’t give a fuck how great things are going. It eats and eats at you until you cease to exist. She’s whittled away during the night, reborn every morning, ready to expend all of her energy on work so she can forget.

SELF ESTEEM? where do we download that? reiterating the abandonment issues ‘my own parents didn’t want me, why would anyone else? what did i do wrong? what if i do it again and people leave me?’ an endless stream of consciousness that makes her ache. Rey doesn’t wallow though, not for long and certainly not where anyone can see her. That’s where those lil hedgehog spikes come in handy. She doesn’t need anyone! She’s spelt well over a decade by herself, she doesn’t need to let anyone in. But God she wants to. She’s so tired of being hurt and left behind. She WANTS to be chosen for once, so much so that the girl wary of all physical contact throws her arms around the boy that came to rescue her. Does she deserve it? Is she worth all that trouble? She doesn’t know but she thanks her lucky stars someone things she is.

Last but not least that good ol OCD ‘cause if you think she stopped scratching lil tallies into places or counting down the days you are WRONG. When a habit that important and kept so devotedly, it doesn’t just go away. None of her little ‘quirks’ do and she will go into a full blown panic if they are not completed. Rey missing a tally? She’ll lose track of the days that go by in her head, she’ll lose track of her family, she’ll miss them! That feeling would have been double on Jakku, especially if she was trapped somewhere or away for an unspecified amount of time.

Every single ill that has befallen her, every abhorrent thing she has suffered and quickly swept away in order to survive will come back sevenfold down the line. The body keeps score and boy has she racked up a SIGNIFICANT number. This shit does not go away with a hug and a new life. This will follow her until her dying day, which if left untreated by a mental health expert, could be sooner rather than later. If you honest to God think that Rey would okay in any capacity with whoever left her, that a normal relationship would ensue in the near future, than you have no concept of mental health or trauma or this character in general. 

On the subject of  PARENTAGE & LUKE SKYWALKER ( since that is still a terribly unfortunate theory, even tho reywalker was found dead in miami after that trailer ) ; I cannot think of a faster way to send either of them dark side. Not only does it destroy any integrity Luke had, but it would send Rey SPRINTING in the opposite direction. There is no reason good enough to abandon your child to a life of starvation and hard labor and deep down Rey knows this. There are hints that her parents are dark siders, people that lived and possibly worked on Jakku for the Empire which would make sense given its history. That being the case she’s much more likely to stay were she is, not fleeing to a middle ground or to the opposite side which would happen if the former came true. Her outlook would be tainted because why would a HERO, a GOOD MAN leave her to suffer alone? No matter her lineage, the relationship with her birth parents is FRACTURED. No matter how much she wants them, they have sewn seeds of mistrust in her heart that will take DECADES to undo. With her new family in the resistance, in FINN, she doesn’t need anyone else. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.  She’s found her family in friends and that is far more profound than any blood relatives.

  1. desertlorn reblogged this from desertlorn
  2. graylit reblogged this from graylit
  3. rawuntamedpower-archive said: fight every day. and she just fuckin breaks. she sits and cries and cries and cries. sleeps for a day on end. and then just pretends everything’s okay to everyone else but it’s not and sshe’s broken and scared and sOMEONE HOLD MY DAUGHTER AND ME
  4. rawuntamedpower-archive said: omg let’s fucking talk about literally her ENTIRE LIFE has been spent on survival. and survival is fucking bliss bc personally, when i’ve been in survival mode, i’ve been able to ignore everything and push it aside. but the second i get to safety and stability i ruin it all bc my own trauma and depression comes and sets in like a fuckin truck. rey’s been on ahch-to a week. she’s got a routine, she’s got food and water and doesn’t have to work to survive. she’s not got to
TAKE ON ME / TAKE ME ON
READ RULES BEFORE FOLLOWING

Independent REY of The Force Awakens

Highly selective & mutually exclusive
NSFW & Triggering

established January 2016

Understood by
SOLSTICE.